So, here I am, the parent of a teenager. Yes, all teenagers go through tough times. All teenagers make mistakes. But, today, I looked at my teen and realized that I am not proud of who she is becoming. In fact, I am  disappointed in the choices she has made recently and how those choices reflect on her character, or lack thereof. I am afraid my daughter is turning into the girl who other parents want their children to stay away from because she is perceived to be a bad influence. No parent wants this for their child!

So, I asked myself, “Where did [my husband and I] go wrong? Is it too late? What can I do to change this?” As I sat and thought over these questions, I realized that this has not happened overnight. Things were not fine yesterday and suddenly a mess today. Rather, this has happened over a measure of time with one small thing right after another that have all added up into a large problem. As my husband and I encountered each incident hat has lead to this point, we dealt with that incident on an individual basis. It seemed separate from the things that had come before or the things that were yet to come. We weren’t seeing the bigger picture. Now, that picture has grown very large hands and slapped me in the face. While I needed that slap, it is still humbling!

The new semester has started here at Gainesville State College. Unlike last semester, when I only took one class, I am currently taking a full load of courses. The run-down is Accounting II, Biology 1101 and 1101L, Micro-Economics, and Mythology. Needless to say, it will be a difficult semester.

What I have discovered as I enter the 4th week  of classes, is that the amount of classes I take is directly proportional to how many problems there are at home that require me to miss classes. For example, so far I have missed for a snow day (college was still in session, elementary wasn’t), a babysitter emergency, and two days because Makenzie was sick and contagious. We wouldn’t want to get the babysitter’s son sick, now would we? So, if you can count, you can see that I have managed to miss four days of classes in four weeks.

Is this the universe conspiring against me? I’m sure it’s not. Perhaps it is simply because I am in class more days and there are more days available to miss. Whatever the reason, it is frustrating! So, send me some feedback. Give me some ideas. What do you do to balance these things in your life? I can’t wait to hear from you!

What do you do when it seems that the negative things in life are overshadowing the blessings. I, myself, have two giant shadows looming over me this year. First, my father and I are estranged. We have always had many issues, but I never thought it would turn into an estrangement, coupled with not so gentle words. I was always under the impression that a father and a daughter were meant to get through anything, even if they did not see eye to eye on an issue.

The second shadow in my life is one of my children. She is such a wonderful and charismatic child. She has been diagnosed with anxiety and depression though. Much of this is thought to be emotional baggage from her previous home. There was domestic, and emotional abuse. My husband and I believed that if we got her out of the environment, she would be a happier and more well-adjusted child. Unfortunately, this is not the case. Things have escalated at an alarming rate. As of late, she has taken to harming herself. During her fits of anxiety she scratches her arm with her fingernails. Many times this results in burning and bleeding. This behavior is known as “cutting.”

Cutting is injuring yourself on purpose by making scratches or cuts on your body with a sharp object — enough to break the skin and make it bleed. Cutting is a type of self-injury, or SI. Most people who cut are girls, but guys self-injure, too. People who cut usually start cutting in their young teens. Some continue to cut into adulthood.

My biggest fears are that my daughter will have to be placed in a hospital for a length of time, or she will attempt to harm herself in a manner even worse than cutting.

So, while I am thankful for many things, I am also lost in the shadows.  How do I give thanks while my heart is heavy? How do others give thanks in the midst of the chaos. Do others find it difficult, or am I in the minority? I truly hope that most people do find it easy to celebrate Thanksgiving in the manner in which it was meant to be celebrated!

It seems my life has a constant flow of “can you” or “will you;” “Will you watch my sick kid while I work?” “Can you bake 3 dozen cookies by tomorrow?” “Will you watch my kids at 5am and make sure they make it to school?” “Can you volunteer at the cheerleading car wash?” The list goes on. And each and every time, it seems that the simple word that I need to utter just escapes me. Am I a people pleaser? Am I afraid of ruining the few friend and acquaintance relationships I have? Perhaps I am afraid of what people will think of me.”

I know I must find a cure for this disease of “yesses,” “sures,” and “no problems.” This disease keeps the word “no” elusive; hiding in the shadows and recesses of my mind, and not showing itself until it is too late and the damage has been done.

I know there are many other moms, and even some dads who suffer this same disease. Maybe we should get together and start a support group, or a 12 step plan. “We Say No, Anonymous,” has a very nice ring to it, don’t you think?

Why do parents allow their kids to buy these clothes? If people stopped buying them then designers would stop making them! Are there really that few parents in this world that care?

My daughter is 12 years old, and, unfortunately, looks much older. On top of that, she is extremely tall (5’6″ at the age of 12). She gets so mad at me when I fuss at her about clothes. She has gotten it into her head that it’s ok for her to try to look sexy. Hell-oh! At 12 years old, there is no reason to be sexy! 

Then she will come home with these clothes that she has bought when she was out with other relatives, and I have to confiscate them because they are not appropriate. Of course, that makes me the bad guy! If she doesn’t come home with new clothes, she tries to modify the clothes she already has. She’ll take a regular t-shirt and gather it at the small of her back and wrap a rubber band around it to make it tighter, while baring her midriff. While this is fine if she is running around the house, and we have no company, it is not ok outside the house. And ALL of her friends do this… so once again, I am the bad guy!

She has gotten sneaky too. She has realized that she can go to her “other” mother’s house and try to make her believe that I allow her to wear certain things that I would NEVER let her wear. Take for example this very cute, but very short skirt I allowed her to buy with the stipulation that she also wear a very cute pair of calf length cloth pants under the skirt. Well, off she goes and since I am not around, she puts on the skirt WITHOUT the pants, swearing this is what I allow her to do. Luckily “other mother” is not stupid, and she made her put a pair of shorts on under the skirt. I was still not satisfied though… the shorts were short, and showed a lot of leg.

I can’t be the only parent out there having these issues! Sometimes I get so frustrated with attempting to determine what is appropriate and what isn’t. “Dr. Phil, where’s my instruction manual?” LOL. Somebody HELP!!

How is it that the internet with programs such as “Facebook,” and “Myspace” has brought so many before unbeknownst relatives together, and yet regular life seems to draw those that are already familiar with one another, apart!

Rationally, I should get past these feelings and move on, but instead, they seem to become larger than life as time goes on. After a lifetime, why do they seem so prevalent now? Introspection perhaps? Or perhaps it is that recent occurences have brought the feelings into the forefront of my mind.